Cancer Journey - Oct. 19, 2013

I decide I'd better let my brother in on this - especially before someone posts something on Facebook.  I know he's out of town with friends watching the Husky game, so I just send him a text and ask him to call me whenever he has a moment.  He texts back immediately "what's up sis?".  Hmmm... I can't lie to him, so I tell him that "I've had some medical news that I wanted to share with you".
**RING!**
My brother is responsive, I'll give him that!
So, I drop the cancer bomb on him and, like the dear brother he is, responds, "Are you F'ing Sh*tting me?"  Sorry Bro.  I wish I was.
... short background needed.  My brother's (now ex) wife had breast cancer in her early 30's and had a rough year of surgery, heavy-duty chemo, radiation... the works.  Hers was a 'triple negative'.  Something I never really understood, but I'm beginning to get it now.  Her cells didn't respond to the usual treatments... so they had to blast her with everything.  The good news is that she's fine now.  Please God, don't tell me I have to go down that road.
It feels good to talk to family and we are both nervous about telling Mom and Dad.  We also agree that this isn't a conversation to have by email or phone.  I need to do this in person.

Cancer Journey - Oct. 18, 2013

Lunch with Lara and one more person to let in on my news.

I see Dr. Paul and we go over the pathologist's report.  It sounds like rather good news actually.  The cells are responsive to treatment, it's "non-aggressive" and it doesn't appear that it has spread.  Fingers crossed.

A girl's-only dinner with Shasonta and Michele in Ferndale was just what I needed.  I know Neil wasn't happy spending a Friday night by himself, but sometimes a girl just needs her girlfriends.

 

Cancer Journey - Oct. 17, 2013

Now comes the telling of people.  This is hard.  What do I say to people when I'm not even sure what is except 'breast cancer'??  I only tell Michele, Shasonta, Pam, Judy, and Jeff K. for now.
Jana calls me before lunch and gives me the names of some doctors she recommends.  Her first choice is a Dr. Kaufman here in town, but his first available isn't until November 4th and she's concerned that that is too long to wait.  Great.  She also gives me a couple of names of some doctors in Mt. Vernon that may be able to see me sooner, but suggests that I really just need to talk to Aetna to find out what they will cover.  I hang up feeling very alone.  How the hell am I supposed to know who to go to?  How do I know the best path to take?

Jeff takes me to lunch and then I lock myself in the training room at work and start to make some phone calls...

I call Dr. Kaufman's office and they are expecting my call - well, okay, that makes me feel a bit better.  They suggest I come in and watch a video that Kaufman has done and fill out some preliminary paperwork.  Ok.  Got that scheduled for today at 3:30. Small progress.

Next, I call a clinic in Mt. Vernon and get a consultation appointment with a Dr. Hawkins.

Next up is Dr. Paul.  I better bring him into the loop and see what kind of counsel he might be able to provide.  I can see him tomorrow at 3:30.

Okay, now I feel a little better.  Plans are made and I have a few things on the calendar.  For a 'Virgo Betty' like myself, that helps to stem some of the building anxiety.

I go to Kaufman's office and watch an hour long video on his version of "Breast Cancer 101".  Wow.  It's a lot to absorb, but very well done. And I get great news that he can see me next Friday at 4.  Cool.

 

Cancer Journey - Oct. 16, 2013

Dr. Bob (Curtis) has a shoulder clinic at CrossFitX in the evening so I don't hear my phone ring.  I try to focus on what Dr. Bob is saying, but my mind is definitely elsewhere.
Jana leaves me a voicemail around 7pm.  The result is positive.  "An intraductal carcenoma"  I'm not as upset as I thought I'd be -- or maybe I'm just numb.  But I had set myself up for the worst and here it is.  Okay, so let's beat this!
Thankfully, Neil is home so we can experience the initial shock together.  I do shed a couple tears, but I'm actually quite calm.  I have no doubt I'll beat this.  Boobs... Who needs them?  Take em!  Hair grows back, so I'm okay with that if that's what lies ahead.  Mostly it's just fear of the unknown right now.  Oh, and how the hell do I tell my mother?!

 

Cancer Journey - Oct. 15, 2013

Biopsy day.  Canada Pam insists on coming along, so off we go on Tuesday afternoon.  Dorothy is there to check me in, and then Carol comes to get me.  The procedure itself isn't too bad... A bee-like sting and that's about it.  Now comes the waiting.  I will have to learn to get used to this.

Cancer Journey - Oct. 11, 2013

An early morning appointment, and wouldn't you know it.. It's National Mammogram day, so the whole place is in a party atmosphere.  A wonderful lady, Carol, takes me in.  First stop is a mammogram, then on to the ultrasound.  I look at the screen, but it's hard to understand what it is I'm looking at.  When she starts to do some measurements, I realize we probably aren't dealing with a cyst anymore.  Crap.
Carol goes to get the radiologist and while we wait for him, she lets me know that what she found is definitely solid, so we can rule out the cyst idea.  Okay....
The radiologist appears and confirms what Carol just told me.  He wants to schedule a biopsy. Carol lets me know that while all cancers are solid, not all solids are cancer.  Fingers crossed that we're just talking about a benign lump.

Carol turns me over to another marvelous lady, Dorothy, to schedule my biopsy.  Dorothy has been thru the biopsy procedure herself and assures me that it's really not that bad, but if I have any questions at all, just give her a personal call.  It's Friday, so the earliest she can get me schedules is the following Tuesday.  The waiting game begins.

 

Cancer Journey - Oct. 10, 2013

Jana gets back to me right away and I head in to see her in the afternoon.  Jana checks it out and thinks it's a cyst, but schedules me for an ultrasound just to make sure.  The ultrasound is tomorrow.  Wow - this is moving along fast.
At dinner, Neil questions my sudden doctor appointments, so it's time to come clean.  He isn't happy that I've kept quiet and I guess I can't blame him.  From now on, this will be a team adventure.

Cancer Journey - Oct. 9, 2013

I leave a message for my nurse and an all-around amazing lady, Jana Williams ARNP while I'm in the Phoenix airport and tell her I've found something that she should check out.  I still decide to keep this to myself for now.

Cancer Journey -- Oct. 8, 2013

Husband Neil, Dear Friend Michele Bodtke, and I head to Flagstaff, AZ to visit with friends and get in a bit of late season golfing before the snow flies...
On this particular day, I get out of the shower and do a couple muscle flexes in the mirror to see how this CrossFit thing is coming along.  Shoulders and biceps are looking pretty strong!  Then I notice an odd 'puckering' on my right breast when I move around that isn't matched by my left side.  Upon closer examination, I realize I can feel an actual lump.  Dammit - this isn't good.  I decide to keep this to myself for now.  No sense worrying everyone just yet.

Garufa Girl has Cancer

Okay, so not the cheeriest of titles, I'll give you that...

I found out in October that I have breast cancer.  Since then, I've been keeping a little journal.  My husband, Neil suggested that I move my journal here... so here it is.  I'll post as I find out new things or even if I'm just having a crappy day and need a place to vent.  I am a firm believer that all things happen for a reason.  I also believe that God does not burden you with more than you can take on.  So I suppose He feels I can take on a lot, because this is going to be one helluva ride.

But first I need to catch up on my postings...