Sticker Shock

The medical bills are starting to trickle in and I've been getting notifications from my insurance company on other bills that they have processed.  Let me just pause right here to publicly thank my employer, SPIE, for offering such amazing health insurance!!  I've already met my deductible for the year, so as long as everything is approved, it should be paid at 100%. (fingers crossed)
In perusing the Explanation of Benefits pages, I start adding up the charges for my first month of chemo treatments (2 total, plus 2 of those Neulasta shots that were used to keep my white blood cells from plummeting too far).  Grand total just for that?  Over $20,000!  Are you kidding me?  Doubling that will get us to the end of February and I still have 3 more months of weekly sessions to go!  

So far, I'm feeling pretty good on the Taxol treatments.  My next infusion (#2 of 12) is tomorrow.  I still feel fatigued when I try to exert myself, but the dreaded nausea is gone.  Thank you Lord!  I actually felt good enough (ha!) to get up at 5am yesterday and get to my 5:30am CrossFit class.  I hadn't been to that group since January 3rd and if was wonderful to see the folks again, though my performance was definitely humbling.  The strength and stamina of old were gone - replaced with a weak, winded shadow of my former self.  But even though I only did half the workout, it still felt great to be back.  And the ridiculously sore muscles I feel today just make me smile.

The Next Phase of Chemo Begins

The dreaded 'AC' portion of my chemotherapy is done and now I'm on to 12 straight weeks of Taxol.  According to the nurses, this phase should be a walk in the park compared to the AC.  Let's hope so!  The biggest fear was a slight chance of a major allergic reaction to the Taxol.  Yesterday was my first infusion, so they packed on the pre-meds (a heavy duty Benadryl type product) and then watched me like a hawk as the first of the Taxol went in.  Thankfully, there was no reaction, so I'm good to go.
I am finally seeing a light at the end of this tunnel.  Yahoo!

Milestones

I reached a milestone yesterday... the last treatment (#4) of the 'A-C' (adrimyacin/cytoxcin combination).  And today will be my last Neulasta shot.  Now it's a 2 week wait while my body crashes and comes back to "normal", and then 12 straight weeks of Taxol treatments.  These (according to the infusion nurses) are a 'walk in the park' compared to the A-C treatments, so keep your fingers crossed.

The bummer is that I continue to have port problems.  The darn thing gets clogged and although the nurses can get the saline to push thru (because I can taste it), they can't get any blood on the return.  So we spend time while they inject some kind of 'draino' equivalent into it and then wait an hour for it to do its job.  In the meantime, they stick an IV into my arm to do my blood work (numbers have to be high enough or they won't go forward with the chemo) and start administering all the pre-meds.  I meet again with my surgeon, Dr. Kaufman, next week.  I think he just wants to make sure I'm still breathing, so I will definitely mention the port issue.

Last Wednesday night was "Ladies Night" at my CrossFit box.  It was my first attempted work out in over 3 weeks and boy howdy, have I gotten weak!  It was supposed to be 3 rounds of 5 different exercises, performed for a minute at each 'station'.  I made it through 2 rounds and was completely out of gas.  It's hard not to be disappointed, and it was a definite reality check as to how much these treatments really take out of me.  On the other hand, it was great to see all the ladies and feel part of that community again.

A Big Slice of Humble Pie

My support group never ceases to overwhelm, amaze, and humble me right down to the stubble on my head.
This Saturday, there is a CrossFit competition at a neighboring "box" (remember, we don't call them 'gyms') to help raise money for a local high school kid fighting cancer.  Members of the box I belong to (CrossFitX) are going there to compete, show support, and have a bit of fun.  I truly wish I was feeling strong enough to join them.
To show a bit of team spirit, the owner of CrossFitX had some t-shirts made and mentioned that there was going to be a "pink theme", in honor of me.  I was definitely touched.  Last night, lying in bed and doing a last scan of Facebook before I turned off the light, I saw post after post of my CrossFitX friends changing their profile pictures.  Our shirts had come in and the image brought me to tears.

Thank you Team CrossFitX for all of your love and support.  I am a better, stronger person - both inside and out - because of all of you.

A short hall pass to San Francisco



In case you don't know me, I'm an exhibition manager for The International Society of Optics and Photonics - and no, we don't make eye glasses.  Basically, I'm a logistics person.  Ever been to a boat show, or a home and garden show?  Ever wonder how all those exhibiting companies get placed where they are? Or who orders all of the aisle carpet, signage, access guards, floral, and such?  Yeah, probably not, but that's what I do.  And our biggest event is being held this week in San Francisco. When all of this first started, I was completely bummed that I may not be able to go to this event.  I've been going for the last 17 years - it's part of who I am.  It's what I do.  So I was more than thrilled that the nurses said it would be okay for me to go, as long as I don't do anything stupid.  Um.. define "stupid"?  :-)
I flew in on Thursday and came home on Monday.  Just enough time to help out with the move-in and set-up, and to have a chance to see some folks that I've known for years, but only see once a year.  It was so good to see these people and let them know I'm alright.  It was a much needed boost to both my mental health and my inner spirit.  There were some tears when I was packing up to leave, but I'm so glad I had a small respite from the Cancer World.

I do have to relay something that happened to me on my way home.  I was standing at the airport gate in San Francisco - just leaning against a pillar, waiting for them to start the boarding call, when a woman approached me and placed her hand on my arm.  She asked if I was a 'fellow sister fighting the fight?'.  When I replied that I was, she gave me a hug!

This 'club' obviously has more than it's fair share of members - and I'm just beginning to meet them.

Can't take credit for the photo - thank you Google Images

 

And There Goes the Hair...

The scarf was just Step 1... after 2 days of seeing my hair come out in clumps and feeling the itchiness under my scarves, I realized it was time to just do away with it.  Friday night we had dinner at Michele and Bart's and I asked her if she could help a girlfriend out.  Michele has been cutting Bart's hair since the Navy days, so if anyone knows her way around a pair of clippers, it would be her.  We finish up a lovely dinner and then head down to the basement.  I guess a part of me feels sad - part of me understands that this is just part of the journey - a time to bond with my fellow cancer brothers and sisters.  So here I am... with less hair than when I first entered this world.

Headwear

Well, it was bound to happen... this morning when I was toweling off after my shower, I noticed a more-than-usual sprinkling of hair on the shower floor.  Hmmm.... I'm starting to shed like Mambo does in the spring!  I bend over and shake my hair a bit, and sure enough, a small shower of hairs float down to the floor.
So today marks Day 1 of the 'Scarf Look'.  I figure I may as well start getting used to it, and no sense leaving a trail of hairs wherever I go today.  :-)