Cancer Journey - Oct. 27, 2013

I decide to go to church with Jeff, Bri, and Jon, and so meet up with them at Cornwall Church for their 9am service.  Whoa - this is nothing at all like a Catholic service, but I enjoy the fellowship and just sharing the time with friends.  I think I'll come again.

Cancer Journey - Oct. 25, 2013

I WOD in the morning and once again it feels good to push myself physically.

There's a small gift on my desk when I get to the office... it's a blank journal from Diane.  Looks like other folks think it's a good idea to chronicle this.

I walk with Jeff and feel close to tears.  Must be another ladybug nearby.  We agree to meet at Kulshan Brewery after my appt.

Kaufman runs 90 minutes behind schedule... But, he then spends 90 minutes with Neil and I.  He is kind, thorough, and a teacher at heart.  I find out that my cancer is a hard one to detect, so it's no wonder that it got missed on my last mammogram.  Think of ivy growing on a picket fence.  Instead of growing as it's own object, it instead grows on existing structures.  So it just appeared as a thicker structure instead of something new.

I'm mentally drained by the time I leave, so meeting up with friends for a beer is a welcome distraction.  We head to Kulshan and meet up with Jeff.  Mike Hampton is there and so is Drew and his wife, Rachel with their new little girl. I do fine until I try to tell Drew and Rachel what's going on and then I choke up.  I just can't say the words, "I have cancer".  So I make Jeff tell them instead.

 

Cancer Journey - Oct. 24, 2013

One more day closer to my appointment.  The tears are close to the surface today for no real reason at all.
Pamela told me that I'll be tough and strong and then I'll see a ladybug on the sidewalk and suddenly burst into tears.  All part of the journey I suppose.

I read the literature sent to me from Dr Kaufman's office and only succeed in scaring myself.  We'll put that away for now...

 

Cancer Journey - Oct. 23, 2013

CrossFit kicks my ass this morning.  Holy!  But again, it feels good to be a bit in control, even just a little bit.

No response yet from SCCA but I do write to Neil's sister, Julie, and let her know.  (Julie went thru all of this prior to me knowing Neil and I think she'll be a good person to have as a resource)

This waiting feels very lonely and from the ladies who've been where I am, they agree that the waiting is the worst.

Tonight is Ladies Night at CFX and we've been told to wear pink.  Why do I think I'm becoming the CFX Breast Cancer poster child?  Ha!

 

Cancer Journey - Oct. 22, 2013

I go to CrossFit this morning.  The WOD is a doozy but when I start thinking I can't do anymore, I realize that I need to learn how to dig a little deeper.  Push a little harder.  Got it done!

As soon as I get to the office, I cancel the Mt Vernon appt.  I think this is the right thing to do.  Looking forward to Friday, but wondering if I should call the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance to just get an appt on the books?

I think about my parents all the time.  How am I going to tell them this?  Dear God, I need some help here.

I decide to email the SCCA and request an appointment.  I figure I can always cancel if needed and better to have something on the books now.

I get home and there is the most beautiful bouquet of pink flowers on the island... From Veronica!  Then it's off to get my hair done and I let Jennifer in on things.

 

Cancer Journey - Oct. 21, 2013

Neil and I meet with Sarah in the HR Dept. and I fill her in and ask some Aetna questions. Later she brings down a packet on Family Leave benefits. This still doesn't seem real.

I send an email to Aetna and ask about getting second opinions in case I decide to check out Seattle.

Neil and I talk in the evening and decide that I will cancel the appt with the Mt Vernon doc... His bio says he's a general surgeon. Nothing about breast cancer, so I'm not going to waste my time or resources.

My brother sends me a text with the name of Amy's doc in Seattle...so there's someone to call if needed.

Cancer Journey - Oct. 20, 2013

An all day BYC Board retreat at Don and Mary Jorgensen's. Neil and Michele are tied up all day in their meeting, so I enjoy the day just hanging out with Don and Mary and watching all the dogs romp around the farm.
When it's finally just us, I let Don and Mary know my news. They are sad, but very supportive and tell me of a friend of theirs that has been thru this. It seems everyone knows of someone that has been through this before... and the good news is that they are all 'survivor stories'. I plan on adding my 'survivor story' to the list.

Next was a visit to Dave and Missy Steffen and to let them in on this.. This story never gets any easier in its telling.