A Week of Ups and Downs

I realize that it's been quite a while since I've posted here and I do apologize.  Life has been busy - good, but busy.

Here's a quick catch-up for just last week alone...

Sunday/Monday/Tuesday
Mom and Dad come for a long overdue visit.  Haven't seen them since Christmas, so there's much catching up to do.  Our time together is wonderful and Dad and I always seem to communicate better when we're working on a project together - it's been like this since I was old enough to hold a flashlight.

Wednesday
First day back in the office this week and it's full steam ahead.  Our Baltimore event is only 3 weeks away and there is still much to be done.
After work, I head out to meet up with a lady that will introduce me to a horse she is thinking of selling.  God and the Universe work in the most mysterious ways... About 3 weeks ago, I was going through my old mare's things and the memories made me realize how much I missed that old part of my life.  A week later, I mention this to the lady that gives my dogs their 'day of beauty' (AKA dog bath) and she tells me she knows a lady that has an 11 y/o Arabian gelding.  And now, here I am headed out to a barn to meet 'Tailor' the horse and his trainer, Zabrina.  The meeting goes well and I even have a chance to climb on and walk around a bit.  It's been 9 years since I've been in a saddle, but it was the best feeling in the world.  I agree to come back again on Friday.

Thursday
Work first and then 'chemo day'.  Today is Treatment #10.  I meet Neil at the Cancer Center and it's Nurse Dana today. Once again, the port flushes just fine, but refuses to give any blood back on the return.  So they poke me in the arm to get the vial they need to run the labs, take my vitals, and then we wait for the lab report to come back.  The numbers are all good (white blood cell, red blood cell, neutrophils, etc.) so that means we can proceed with the day's treatment.  Pre-meds first - mostly a big dose of Benadryl and then we wait 15 minutes for those to make their way thru my system.  Afterwards, it's an hour long drip of the chemo drug, Taxol.  We are done a little after 6pm and head home to dinner and dogs.

Friday
Another crazy day at the office.  I think I managed to cram 5 days worth of work into 3 this week.  But my reward is to head out to the barn at the end of the day and meet back up with Tailor and Zabrina.  Zabrina is already warming up Tailor when I arrive and then hops off and l hop on.  Our lesson goes well and I head home with an ear-to-ear grin.

Saturday
Up early to meet Pam for a dog hike and then it's back to the barn for another session with Tailor and Zabrina.  We try the outdoor arena this time (Tailor's first time out there) and he does great.  How wonderful to be out riding in the spring sunshine!
I dash home to meet up with Neil and then we pack up for a weekend in Seattle.  The dogs are dropped off at Pam's for a 'sleep over' and then Neil and I head down to attend a wedding... the daughter of a dear friend.  The wedding is beautiful - the weather is perfect - the dinner and company were wonderful.  And then the music started and all these beautiful people started dancing and I lost it.  Suddenly, I was tired of being "sick" and tired of feeling "different" and tired of going through each day like none of this matters and that I'm stronger than all of this.  Yes, I am strong, but every once in a while, there's a chink in the armor and the true emotions bleed through.  I ask Neil to quietly get me out of there and I'm a sobbing mess by the time we reach the car.  The tears help to cleanse the demons and after a few minutes, I feel my resolve return.  I sleep soundly and awaken to a beautiful sunny morning... it's a new day.